January felt long. Not in a dramatic “new year, new me” way, but in a very real, lived-in, chronic-illness-meets-creative-brain kind of way. So today I’m sharing my end of January planner and journal flip through, because these pages tell a much more honest story than a polished highlight reel ever could.
This flip through isn’t just my HB90 planner. It’s also my habit tracker, my connection and gratitude journal, my creative junk journal, and the little pocket notebook I carry out into the world with me. All of these pieces work together to support my goals, my health, and my creativity, even when things don’t go the way I planned.
My HB90 Goals (and How January Actually Went)
For this HB90 quarter, I set three main goals: supporting my health and routines, making progress on my writing, and staying connected to the people I love.
On the health side, I experimented with a new morning routine, medication tracking, and symptom logging for mast cell activation syndrome and other chronic issues. January was… mixed. I was more consistent with my meds than I usually am, which is a win. But treadmill time didn’t really happen due to shortness of breath and heart palpitations, and some medication changes triggered a pretty intense bout of depression. That reality shows up very clearly in my planner pages.
My second goal was writing, specifically working on Murphy’s Law of the Jungle along with some plot gardening for future projects. Progress happened, but not in the way I imagined. I deleted more words than I kept some days, struggled with my planned “morning person” schedule, and had to confront the fact that my body and brain just weren’t cooperating with that idea right now.
The third goal focused on connection and gratitude. This is where I felt the most grounded. I stayed consistent with my connection and gratitude journal, even when everything else felt wobbly. I wasn’t perfect about nightly connection time with my husband, and I definitely fell back into phone habits I don’t love, but the act of tracking gratitude daily helped anchor me through the harder weeks.
When the Planner Reflects the Mood
One of the things I love most about keeping a planner this way is that it becomes a visual record of how I was actually feeling. There’s a full stretch of January where everything turns blue. I even titled one week “Feeling Blue,” and it wasn’t subtle. That week included medication-induced depression, a meltdown during a professional development call, and a general sense of trying very hard to be okay while not being okay at all.
Instead of forcing productivity, I let the pages become expressive. Collage elements, artwork, quotes, and even damaged stickers all found their way in. There’s something incredibly validating about flipping back through those pages now and seeing proof that I survived weeks that felt unbearable in the moment.
And slowly, almost imperceptibly, the color started to come back. Yellow flowers. Butterflies. Softer layouts. A shift from “absolute depressed garbage” (my words, not yours) to “mostly meh,” which honestly counts as progress.
Creative Planning Without Perfection
My weekly layouts changed constantly. Some weeks were functional and sparse. Others were sticker-heavy, whimsical, and clearly driven by whatever I was hyperfixating on at the time. Disney stickers, mermaids, Bridgerton spreads, Italy daydreams, astrology elements. If it made me happy or helped me emotionally regulate, it earned a place on the page.
I also started experimenting with using my planner more artistically when I didn’t have strict appointments to track. That flexibility made the planner feel like a support system instead of another thing I was failing at.
The Connection and Gratitude Journal
My connection and gratitude journal deserves its own moment. This is where I tracked intentional time with loved ones and listed things I was grateful for each day. Some weeks included long “happy lists.” Other weeks were shorter, but still meaningful.
This journal became a place to reclaim joy, especially as I worked through complicated feelings around femininity, creativity, and allowing myself to like what I like again. Pink made a comeback. So did softness, florals, and celebrating small moments.
One of the biggest joys this month was finding out that my family is going to Italy for eleven days this summer. That gratitude shows up all over these pages, right alongside the very real planning anxiety about ankles, orthotics, and not letting health issues steal the experience.
Junk Journaling as Emotional Processing
My collage and junk journal pages were less about aesthetics and more about processing. Some spreads were made to protect memories, like a damaged postcard from Niagara Falls. Others were raw emotional releases. A spread called “The Lying Clown.” Another called “Shades of Blue.” A page dedicated to saying no to hustle culture. These weren’t meant to be pretty for anyone else. They were meant to be honest.
And honestly? Some of them turned out really beautiful anyway.
The Pocket Notebook That Goes Everywhere
Finally, there’s the tiny pocket notebook I carry with me when I leave the house. It’s messy. It’s unfiltered. It’s full of brain dumps, reminders, and half-formed thoughts that later get transferred into other journals. It’s practical, lightweight, and much kinder to my back than hauling everything with me.
What January Taught Me
January taught me that forcing myself into systems that don’t fit is a recipe for burnout. That tracking everything perfectly is less important than tracking what actually matters. That creativity doesn’t disappear during depression, it just changes shape. And that showing up imperfectly still counts as showing up.
If you want to see all of this in real time, with the pages, the stickers, and the chaos, you can watch the full January planner flip through on YouTube. And if you made it to the end of the video, you already know: drop your favorite emoji in the comments so I know you were there with me.
More planner flips, journaling, and creative experiments are coming. Possibly with time lapses and voiceovers, if the vibe is right. As always, thank you for being here.
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